Is My Plot Okay? (Serious Teen Thriller)?

Question by Ryan: Is my plot okay? (Serious Teen Thriller)?
Here is my story. I would like any opinions on changes and/or feedback, it is HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

I am planning on writing this as a casual teen/young adult sci-fi read. I will start writing this weekend.
—

The standard of perfection skyrockets in a massively commercialized future, and people collapse under their inferiority. Mass suicides and depression sweeps the world, antidepression pills and counseling become required by the remaining world. When nanotechnology is invented, the world turns to it for the cure. With the technology it is possible to have a simple surgery to remove ALL emotions from a human.

Religious and humanitarian groups gather in Jerusalem to riot against this concept, considering it the “Human Armageddon.” Project Emotive is announced with it’s proposition: grant all people the surgery to stop the suicides and create the perfect humans. A grand riot begins, and in it is our protagonist; 18 year old Miguel, a christian student studying abroad. The riots tear up Jerusalem but are stopped when tear gas is dropped on everyone. The people in there become living test subjects for the new surgery, denied of any say in the matter.

Miguel is forced into his surgery, but the doctor administers too much anesthesia and not enough nanites to modify his frontal cortex (brain) matter. The doctor leaves to get his own surgery. Miguel awakens and topples out of his surgical apparatus, where the rest of the hospitol is abandoned. When he walks outside, he finds a completely new city. The new humans, who work with amazing efficiency, have been able to completely remodel the city into a conformist utopia.

Miguel, in shock, walks outside and observes the people, who seem completely indifferent and robotic. He goes into a news archive and reads news. He has been in his stasis for 2 months, during this time all the other people in the world have been forced into the surgery. He reads an article stating that the Temple of the Holy Sepulcher (In christianity, it’s where Jesus is believed to have died and rose) is to be demolished for appartments the following day. It’s the final religious monument to be demolished.

Still ignored and unable to be understood by the drone-like humans, Miguel goes to witness the demolition. In a fit of rage he intervenes and stabs a construction worker. He murders the rest of the construction workers except one, who he fatally wounds. That person, experiencing great pain, has his emotions return. He prays histerically, and collapses on the steps of the temple. Great Pain is the cure for the surgery.

Miguel researches the conditions of the emotive surgery and comes to a conclusion that the nanotechnology corporate building has chemical weaponry that could rain hydrochloric acid on the city, capable of causing the pain needed to cure the people in the city. Miguel invades the plant, and steals a nanogun, capable of being programmed to cause acid rain.

Miguel is labeled by the media as an active-threat and to be shot on sight. As he rests at the abandoned hospitol on the West Bank border, he encounters a scientist, Jonathan. Jonathan was electrocuted while performing nanotechnological research, and pretended to be working when he created a “personal program.” Miguel explains his plans to cause acid rain by going on the roof of the Emotive corps. It is an excecutive building and the highest in jerusalem, made with glass to symbolize the purity and stability of Emotive Surgery.

Jonathan programs the Acid Rain and his own “Special Project” into the nanogun and accompanies him, giving him access. They make it half way through, until it’s realized that Miguel has been found. Shots are fired, and they run up the stairwell. Miguel kills a security guard and takes his pistol, using it to clear paths in the building. While being shot at, he breaks the sliding elevator doors and jumps on an ascending elevator. They go through the area where Jonathan works, when Jonathan is shot.

Miguel has to leave him behind as the guards close in, but hands him his bible. He makes it to the roof and excecutes the acid rain program. Screams are heard and Miguel bows in prayer. He excecutes the unnamed program Jonathan made, and the entire building aswell as him, is vaporized.

The final chapter is narrated by Jonathan. People with emotions who have gone trough accidents at their workplaces seeing the media reports saved him just in time, and he is taken to the abandoned hospital and treated. He explains Miguel’s impact on the world, how Israel became the “Liberated Country” and independent from the entire world. Nanotechnology, Completely centered around the emotive building, has been destroyed in Israel and people revert to a simple, amish lifestyle. Jonathan becomes weak and seems to be having servere pain. He grabs for his bag, takes a bible previously owned by Miguel, and confesses faith. He loses his pulse.

I HIGHLY APPRECIATE OPINIONS! :)

Best answer:

Answer by Matt
Well if this IS your story you need a lot of work. The plot itself is a touch derivative of 28 days later and there are a number of plot holes. For one, why are they gathering in Jerusalem? Two, Why does the doctor leave in the middle of surgery. It would make more sense if for some reason the doctor was unable to finish. If Miguel had so much anesthetic he couldn’t wake up for two months he would probably be dead. Why would pain correct a major brain surgery? Why would Miguel kill people if he is so hurt by the destruction of a Christian monument? No terribly Christian. When this building vaporizes, wouldn’t it kill John too? Wouldn’t the rain hurt him, even if he didn’t die? IT s a bit heavy handed for my taste, but I hope I helped.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

New Jersey poised to become second state to ban anti-gay therapy
The New Jersey vote comes a week after Exodus International, a U.S. Christian group that once promoted conversion therapy, closed its doors. Operating since 1976, Exodus was affiliated with roughly 260 ministries across North America. The New Jersey … Read more on NBCNews.com (blog)

Pastor charged with swindling elderly dependent
He earned a doctorate in ministry, with minors in Semitic languages, counseling and preaching after attending Minnesota Bible College, Lincoln Christian Seminary, the University of Minnesota, the University of Indiana and North American Baptist Seminary. Read more on Austin Herald

Scituate student awarded prestigious scholarship
Katie Albanese, a junior at Scituate High School, said the moment she found out she was accepted to receive the 2013 Christian A. Herter Memorial Scholarship she was “overcome with emotion. … Scholarship Program is a state-supported program whose … Read more on Wicked Local- Scituate