I Believed the Nursing Home My Mother Is In, Is Ignoring Her Care…?

Question by AlysrianXian: I believed the nursing home my mother is in, is ignoring her care…?
My mother had a stroke about 4 years ago, and is currently paralyzed on half of her body. She has mental issues, as in she sometimes thinks I am still 10 yrs old and my brother lives near her. He actually lives across the country, and she hasn’t seen him in almost a full year. Her mental status can seem like being narcissistic, which I believe she was an N prior to her stroke…so it coming out in full force AFTER the stroke, is no surprise to me.

My mother has been at this current nursing home for almost exactly a year now. We had an issue last Aug, with her lips. They were very red, pussing, and oozing. My daughter and I were diagnosed with eczema shortly after my mother started showing symptoms. The doctor at the nursing home did a wide array of medications for my mother (after two months of complaining every day about it and being a general pain). Eventually, it went away. I even spent about $ 100 on over the counter medication for cold sores. They used them to help treat. (The head nurse today said she wouldn’t use it on my mom, unless the doctor actually prescribed them to her??? Since when???)

I visited her two weeks ago, and she was showing symptoms of the red/pus/ooze coming back. I assume it’s eczema because the nursing home uses Vaseline on her like it’s candy. I left a note in her room to please not use the Vaseline until the doctor had seen her again. I also spoke to the nurses.

I just got back from my visit with her for Mother’s Day, about 10 minutes ago. It is even worse then it was 2 weeks ago. I feel like the doctor hasn’t even cared enough, nor taken the proper time to start treatment for her lips again. I am tired of complaining about the same issues, and either the nurses acting like they will handle it..or just flat out ignoring me.

We are also having a problem with her teeth. They have been seriously neglected at this nursing home and the previous nursing home. It is so bad that she will need a full mouth extraction, and dentures made. I am probably going to have to pay $ 3k out of pocket for this (as her social security checks, medicaid, and medicare do NOT cover this added expense). She was SUPPOSED to be put on a pain medication routine, starting last month when she was diagnosed (as per the dentist’s instructions)…but I checked today, and so far they aren’t even giving her tylenol regularly!

It’s funny, the doctor has the nerve to send me bills in the mail, when the nursing home is supposed to cover that (and medicaid/medicare)…yet he won’t actually TREAT her. I look at these “bills” and she is being treated for “physical therapy”…but she never actually gets any physical therapy, as she is confined to a wheelchair. He NEVER bills for her lips, or ANY medication. I feel like he is just showing up, saying hi how are you, and ditching.

I DO have a POA for her health, fiances, and everything else. So, I DO have a say in everything regarding to her care. I have a “care conference” this Wednesday, and I am going to bring it all up again. Is there a good way to go about this without getting mean? I am fairly angry that this has been ignored AGAIN, and that the head nurse (today that I spoke with) brushed me off.

The head nurse also suggested that my mom was bipolar, and that she was having hallucinations of worms in her bed. I was never called about this (I live 1 block away!), and I have a feeling like her stroke is NOT the cause of hallucinations. I’m actually a little angry that I was never informed and that they aren’t really TREATING her. The head nurse actually even fought with me about giving her a perceset (sp?) and tylenol when needed for pain. I had to explain it was in her file, and I shouldn’t have to remind them to give it to her if she is in that much pain. (Trust me, her teeth are a disaster and she is in LOTS of pain…added on pain from her stroke ailments)

I can’t have her move in with me, we tried that…and it’s just way too much work. I work 3 jobs, my husband is AD Army and stationed in another state…and I take care of two kids by myself. I barely have time to be handling all of this.

Ugh, what do I say and do at the care conference? Should I relocate her to another facility? Should I get mean? I’ve been trying to handle it all nicely…but apparently, I am the only family member that even calls/visits. No one else called her today (Mother’s Day). I have a feeling like these people think they can get away with it because I only visit once every two weeks.
I say not to use the Vaseline and chapstick, because my daughter and I can’t use that to treat our eczema. It actually makes it 100x worse then it was before. I have a feeling like it is the same reaction on my mother, as ours is hereditary. So, if it doesn’t work on us, it won’t work on her…and is actually hurting her more. I have made mention of this several times.
I should add that I am concerned about causing a stink, because it might show even worse in her care. As is, there are some major issues. If I complained and got angry, wouldn’t some of the employees make it worse for my mother? Is there anything I can do or say to make this better for her?

Best answer:

Answer by Irina
If you yell at them and tell them this is unexeptable and that you are not okay with the way they are treating you then they will try their very best to please you. If you complain to them that you need your mother to be taken care of and that they are not doing shit, and ask for the head person of the nursing home they will get scarred. Got to the nurse and ask her for the number of her manager.

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