May You Edit/revise This Please?

by Rowdy Rider

Question by LoneWolf: May you edit/revise this please?
This is part of a LETTER, can you please edit/revise this to make it more persuasive.

Teenage drinking negatively affects both body and life, so why do people do it? I know that some of you may be thinking, “a drink is a drink, beer is no different than soda.” You may think that now, but once I tell you these facts, hopefully you will change your mind. Research from the website, “Learn About Alcoholism,” shows that using alcohol impairs judgment. Therefor, those who are intoxicated are more likely to engage in dangerous behaviors There are serious health risks involved with drinking alcohol. “Teen Drug Abuse,” states that drinking alcohol causes liver damage, high blood pressure, cancer and more. Given these health concerns, is that drink worth it?

How can I add a better counter-argument? I don’t really like the one I have in the paragraph. How can I make it sound more better?

Thanks

Best answer:

Answer by maui
i think it is a very well written article, but instead of saying “You may think that now, but once I tell you these facts, hopefully you will change your mind.”, you should just lead straight into the facts

Answer by QuillSB74
Teenage drinking negatively affects both body and mind, so why do it? Some may be thinking, “beer is no different than a soda.” Consider these facts. Alcohol impairs judgement. Alcohol leads to engaging in dangerous behaviors. Alcohol consumption can create serious health risks such as liver damage, high blood pressure, cancer and more. That’s not quite the same as soda. One good resource for more facts about alcohol abuse is the website Learn About Alcohol, especially the section “Teen Drug Abuse.” Considering all these serious concerns, is that drink worth it?

My advice: state it simply, clearly, and briefly.

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