What Can I Do With My Life?

Question by Kyle: What Can I Do With My Life?
I suffer from schitso-affective disorder and my family dosen’t give me good support for this mental disorder. My mom is loud in nature, my sister used to abuse me verbally as a kid but now she’s kinda better since i’m well tall now. My brother is 8, rather annoying which is a issue believe it or not. I dont think i need to explain schitso-affactive (Schizophrenia/I cant spell it sounding it out). My life is getting extrmely hard without much support from my family. My mom says “He wants special treatment” to my doctors and i dont know how to explain it without it sounding like that. She’s like “We’re not treating him differently from anyone else just because he’s this way mentally”. My cousin which i work with is SUPER playful, i’m not ALWAYS IN A GOOD MOOD! and feel like snapping on him almost everyday, i have to repress my feelings. Like today i woke up depressed, slow and low on engery. I struggled to get out of bed to get to work. I go by his house first all the time, when he opened the door he slaps me in the face for no reason. I say “What the heck did you do that for?” – Him “I wanted to” (laugh). I instantly got a horrible thought in my head on what to do with him. Have to repress so much anger, emotional strain everyday because i know my family wont care much or understand and just give me a speech. Pretty much to sum it up, they want me to take pills and thats it. They dont help me, just give me a pill and goodnight.

I’m struggling with life or death are this point now. I’m one of those people who if you saw on the street you wouldnt pay any mind. I work at a park selling food to kids. The kids ALWAYS talk to my cousin who works with me but ignore me or barely say anything to me. Even the adults ignore me when i’m standing by the counter asking who’s next and just either ask for the “other guy” or call him. Am i ugly? do i smell? I look in the mirror everyday! this has been a issue since i was in school, i was ALWAYS picked on everyday in school, lucky if i didnt have some days when i wasnt. I was picked on for being a schizo (i talked to myself, followed people only i saw, moody) plus i have a bad back so i also walked weird as a kid. Kids mocked my walk and how i was. always beat up on etc. My childhood was nothing but pain, barely had one. had no dad either to support me, only my mom which was mostly busy. I didnt have much of a childhood which effected me majorly as a adult now. I”m still kiddish now that i’m not in school. I lost interest in everything i use to enjoy since now i’m majorly depressed. I was a manga artist but i cant draw anymore, i use to skateboard but cant anymore. I feel like my life is slowly slipping away everyday. Even my body hurts and i feel sick everyday. I’m tired of being a ghost when around “better people” like my cousin. Even was cyber bullied on the net for years until i almost sued the site. Also what else happened today was i was banned off of G4TV.com for telling people about a tournament on a website i made. Then banned again for telling the people i wasnt a bot. (Reason: Returning banned user).

School? I have no friends, just people i know. They talk to me in school etc but when people at my school or in class party. I’m not invited, only once. I’m always alone and miserable. And when i do find a good friend i get so excited, i get angry when they’re not around me which causes alot of fights. Girls take advantage of my desperation to have a girlfriend and friends to make money off me, gifts. I dont know what to do.

Best answer:

Answer by Robert Caron
I can understand your feelings. What is better to do here is absorb yourself the surroundings and fit your mood to clear the path. Hope you have to find a good environment soon.

Good Luck :)

Answer by John B
I have had a lot of pain with depression, and I still get med treatments for it. I know your illness is different, but I can assist. First, you must talk with your pharmaceutical doctor, if one was given to you. They must regulate medication. And, they must give you the names, addresses and numbers of therapists who can assist you. Even the most well adjusted need therapists for sort out problems, and offer other viewpoints. if you cannot afford one, are you on SSI disability for mental health issues? You should be…some of us need it. Its a legitimate disease. If not, you may try that or medicare to recieve cheaper treatments. Also, look to school and college counseling and therapists to help you with treatments and the technical side. And please, google “Depression Hotline” and “Suicide Hotline” and get some good sites and phone numbers, you may need them. We all do sometimes.

And very important. Only hang out with people who treat you with respect. I have learned this. You sound like you have anger, and a lot of creative energy in you. Art and writing has always been a private therapy for the well known, and not so well known of the creative people in the world. Make something beautiful from your pain. Beautiful art, is like beautiful writing. Through its pain, ugliness and honesty is true beauty. And hope. Get the doctor stuff done fast to help your life. Its hard I know, but do it fast for yourself only. And do something creative, sometimes others see it and they can love the artist in you. Save yourself. Do this now because your life means something. More than most peoples, because of your personal struggle.

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