Why Do I Keep Feeling Like My Boyfriend Is Too Good for Me?

by JeremyMcWilliams

Question by Shadow: Why do I keep feeling like my boyfriend is too good for me?
He’s perfect in every single way and I just feel like he deserves so much more. He’s more than I could ever ask for and I just feel so flawed and worthless in every way. He treats me so well and tells me I’m perfect and that should be enough but I feel like I have to improve myself since I’m not quite suitable to be his lover now. I feel like a burden and that I deserve someone that wouldn’t treat me well. Rationally, I know it’s stupid to think this way but I can’t help feeling like this.

Why can’t I just be content with being with him? Thanks a lot for taking the time to answer.

Best answer:

Answer by Hal
well, you’re on the way to destroying the relationship. one day he is going to get sick of your attitude and walk away. also, you are directly insulting him by saying he would deliberately choose someone not up to par with him. he doesn’t sound like that kinda guy. stop the cr*p thinking. get up each day, look in the mirror and see the most beautiful person in the world. not because he chose you, but because you just are. self-esteem issues can be discussed with other friends and family as well.

Answer by Josuan
What you need is a boost of self esteem. I can’t speak for everyone, but it seems we all do. Sometimes I wake up and I just don’t deserve everything, I think everything I have is because of luck… and sometimes it may be true, but then I realize I’m just putting myself down and that gets me nowhere. I used to hate myself because I was single. I wasn’t out of the closet either, and I was single because I was out of the closet, but I wasn’t out yet because I hadn’t found a reason to come out… it was a vicious cycle. Whenever I feel like I’m no good for my boyfriend, I remind myself of how I used to feel being single. I wouldn’t want to go back to that.

I think that, if anything at all, you should focus on improving yourself. Obviously there are things about yourself that you don’t feel comfortable with, and you feel you can do better. It’s good that you want to do better, and it’s great that you want to be a better person for him. Make sure you turn the tables on the situation, though, because you don’t want to be doing everything for all the wrong reasons. You want to be better for him, not be better so you can feel you deserve him.

You also might want to tell him what you’re feeling. He deserves to understand that you’re not feeling like he deserves you… that way he can try and show you not only that you do deserve each other, but why. Also, hearing it from you will let him understand you better. Maybe he could start criticizing you a little more… he might not feel comfortable telling you that he doesn’t like how you snort when you laugh; that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you any more, it just tells you that hey, he knows you have flaws but cares enough to not care. And maybe he’ll open up and tell you how he feels the same way. I love my boyfriend to death, I really do, and I know he’d do anything for me, and sometimes I feel he doesn’t know I’d do the same… but he knows. Somehow, we’ve shown it to each other, and we understand that. Try to communicate a little more, give yourself some time, and enjoy your relationship for what it is. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Enjoy it and do what you must to make it work.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Dr. Drew Pinsky features addiction expert Dr. Howard C. Samuels on HLN on 12-3-2012. – Dr. Drew Pinsky features addiction expert Dr. Howard C. Samuels on his show to discuss alcoholism, substance abuse and more.